Too many candles

This piece, by Catrin Evans, a former visitor and chair of SDV, was written for and performed by her at a fundraiser organised by members of Scotland’s theatre sector to raise awareness of the current situation facing refugees.  In it, Catrin explored the most profound experience she had as a visitor. It is dedicated to our friend Solyman, and everyone else incarcerated in the UK’s unjust detention estate.

 Comes on and lights candle. We lit a candle for youlong before we lit them for Syriawhen your home was still the Middle Eastern concern of the day.It was wet and windyso we struggled to keep your candle alight.We’d all spent time with youbeen seduced by your infectious smileand watched as you tumbledor more accuratelyas they pushed you deeper and deeper down We lit a candle for youand some of my own light diminished Solyman Rashedyour name rings in my mindmore often than i ever thought it wouldyour faceyour smileso clear to mebut only as clear as a projected image of a black and white photocopy of a photograph can ever bedistant and grainy but up close Project photo The flirtThe man about townThe leader of lost and disillusioned soulsyour smile made them smile, made me smile,made yourself smile Catrin, Catrinthey’re trying to grind me down manthey keep asking me ‘when are you going to leave?’“when are you going to volunteer to return?”they keep saying its safe therewhat do I do?what should I do?call me please Solyman the determinedyour refusal to fit the image of vulnerable asylum seekerthat’s what I admired in youthe way you complicated my world viewjust by being youyou weren’t perfectyou weren’t deservingI remember the papers wouldn’t print your storythe public wouldn’t sympathiseyou’d committed a crime so you were an untouchableseems you have to be desperate on a dingy, or floating face down to get our attentionand even thenonly justnothing complicated please Catrin Catrinthey’re trying to grind me down mannot letting me come out for visitsI think they’re going to move me to another centre somewhere elsesomewhere but i don’t know wherecall me please I always looked forward to seeing youyou rarely came alonebringing your latest pal to meet usyou believed we could help them, help youit was like you had an inherent belief in solidarityor just this refusal to believe that the system you were stuck in was a true reflection of humanity“Dungavel’s the best of them all”you’d proclaimand I took a strange pride in thinking somehow you were getting a better deal up hereyou loved the people, their banter, it suited youand you couldn’t wait to come to Glasgowto check out the night lifeeven the guards you liked“at least they treat us like humansas they lock the doors behind us”still a prison though - right?and there was of course that one guard that called you ‘boy’seemingly unaware of what he was doingwe didn’t like him much Catrin Catrin they’re trying to grind me down manthey’ve brought me down southit’s not good herewe’re just by the airport it’s only a matter of time nowcall me please for ten months you were one of our regularsdetermined to get outagain and againanother bail application followed by another bail hearing followed by another refusalI don’t know how many times you tried and failedthey wanted you goneand indefinite detention was their strategyyou could see what they were doingagain and againyou tried to fight themagain and againyou tried to remain positivebut then you were gone Catrin CatrinI just want to take my own lifebut they keep stopping me they won’t even let me die here tho they don’t mind if I die there why are they doing this?call me please when your hopes of ever being released had completely disappearedwhen you ‘volunteered’ to return to a country you fled fearing for your lifewhen a war zone became a better prospect than where you wereYou’d reached hell surelyand so you ‘chose’ homeand you got two weeks there Catrin, Catrin I’ve got some sad newsit’s about Solyman  another piece of collateral damage from Blair’s campaignanother road-side bomb victimanother reminder that the actions of my Government are so often at the centre of the painand sowe lit a candle for youlong before we lit them for Syriawhen your home was still the Middle Eastern concern of the day pick up candle - look at image of Solyman But I don’t want to light anymore candleswe’ve lit enoughsurelythere are too many candles already burningwe needwe need to dowe need to do something else Blows out candle  END FIRST FOOT TO ARRIVAL, organised by Joe Douglas and Zinnie Harris, raised money for SDV and for Refugee Survival Trust. It took place on January 15th at the Traverse Theatre in Edinburgh. Thanks to Joe and Zinnie and all the people who performed and donated at the event.